


Fifteen

by writingtoforget



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Canada Womens National Team, Manchester City WFC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-20 17:41:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30008562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingtoforget/pseuds/writingtoforget
Summary: Her whole life changes when she's fifteen.
Relationships: Janine Beckie/Jessie Fleming
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43





	Fifteen

**Author's Note:**

> I realize the timeline is a little screwy because I forgot Janine played for the U.S. under 20s before she joined the Canadian national team, but hey, its fiction.

Her whole life changes when she’s fifteen. It’s her first call up to the senior national team and to say it’s anything other than intimidating would be a lie. She lugs her suitcase behind her, it feeling heavier with each living legend she passes by.

_I’m not ready for this._

_I’m not qualified for this._

_Why did I agree to this?_

The self-doubt starts to eat away at her as she seeks the safety of her hotel room, at least in there she doesn’t have to come face to face with her inferiority.

_Or so she thought._

She swings the door open, nearly jumping out of her skin when her roommate stands to greet her. She knows her, well, she knows _of_ her.

_Janine Beckie._

“Hey, you’re Jessie, right?” The older girl greets, flashing Jessie a bright smile.

If Jessie could physically melt into a puddle, she’s sure she would’ve by now. Janine is tall, a whole four inches taller than Jessie and she curses her small stature the closer Janine gets to her. She’s four years Jessie’s senior, with the experience to match, but that isn’t what bothers Jessie the most. What bothers her the most is how stupidly attractive Janine is. The older girl is wearing an oversized hoodie and shorts, showcasing her long legs and a vast expanse of tan skin decorated with freckles. Jessie has always hated her own freckles, but for some reason Janine wears hers remarkably well. Her hair is pulled into a high ponytail, giving Jessie the perfect view of her face, not a single flaw to be seen. The thick rimmed glasses sliding down the bridge of Janine’s nose suit her, and it isn’t until the older girl quirks a brow in confusion that Jessie realizes she’s been staring...for a while.

“Are you not Jessie?” Janine asks.

“N-No I am. Sorry, I was just a little surprised. I didn’t think I’d have a roommate.”

“We always have roommates when we get together. It would cost a lot to get everyone their own rooms. Not to mention, the staff likes the team bonding aspect.” Janine laughs. “Oh, I forgot! I’m Janine.”

Jessie bites back the _I know_ before it can tumble past her lips. Janine thrusts out her hand, waiting eagerly for Jessie to take it. The younger girl does so, albeit reluctantly, and finds herself trying to ignore just how soft Janine’s skin is against her own.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Jessie says, pulling her hand back quickly.

If Janine notices her discomfort, the older girl doesn’t mention it, wandering back towards the other side of the room.

“Do you have a preference?”

Jessie freezes. “What?”

“Do you have a preference for which bed you use?”

“Oh,” Jessie flushes, feeling silly. “No, I’ll take whatever you don’t want.”

Janine smiles at her. “I can tell we’re going to get along just fine.”

-

Jessie finds herself adjusting rather quickly to the senior national team thanks to Janine. The older girl is unbelievably outgoing which is quite helpful considering Jessie is painfully shy. By the first training she’s been introduced to nearly everyone on the team, including Christine Sinclair. Jessie may have freaked out over that, but she’ll never admit it.

“You okay?” Janine asks, sitting down on the bench next to Jessie to lace up her boots.

“I’m fine.”

Janine quirks a brow at the younger girl’s response.

“A little overwhelmed, but I’m okay.”

“You’ll be great.”

Jessie scoffs. “How do you know?”

“I know these things.” She says with a wink.

Jessie feels her face start to get warm at the action and bolts upright, jogging out to the pitch.

“Hey! Wait for me!” Janine shouts, chasing after her.

-

Training goes smoothly for the most part. Jessie finds her footing, makes some good connecting passes, even scores once, but as it goes on, she finds herself getting caught up in her thoughts. By the end of practice, she feels terrible, thinks she’s messed up her whole future, and rushes out without saying a word to anyone. Jessie skips dinner, opting to bury herself in her sheets and wallow in despair instead of eating. She hears the door open softly behind her and pretends to be asleep, not wanting to face Janine. The scent of food makes her stomach grumble, and Jessie can’t help but roll over. Janine looks like a deer caught in headlights, clearly not expecting Jessie to be awake.

“Oh, hey.” She grins sheepishly. “I noticed you didn’t come to dinner, so I brought dinner to you. Did I wake you?”

Jessie shakes her head, muttering out a small _thanks_ , before rolling back over. When she doesn’t hear Janine leave, she turns around again. The older girl has her teeth sunk into her bottom lip, clearly wanting to say something but unsure if she should.

“What?”

“I just... is everything okay? You were so happy this morning and then...well...you weren’t anymore.”

“I’m just tired.” Jessie lies.

She can tell Janine doesn’t believe her, but the older girl appears to be willing to drop it.

“You were great today by the way.”

Jessie prickles at the statement.

“Are you joking?” She snaps.

“W-what?” Janine blinks.

“I fucked up that pass so bad it wasn’t anywhere near you.” Jessie sighs.

Janine gapes momentarily before bursting into laughter. Jessie flushes, embarrassed at the thought of Janine making fun of her. She gets up to leave but Janine’s hands shoot out, gripping Jessie’s forearms and preventing her from doing so.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m not making fun of you I promise. It’s just...”

“Just what.” Jessie mumbles, head hanging low.

Janine’s hands move from Jessie’s forearms to cup the younger girls face in her hands, forcing Jessie to look at her.

“You messed up on one pass out of like, a hundred.”

“Yes.” Jessie says, not understanding where the older girl is going with this.

“Don’t you see how ridiculous that is? Jessie you did so incredibly well for your first time with us, one bad pass means nothing. I mean, my first call up I skied a ball so bad it went over the safety netting and into the parking lot.”

Jessie feels herself start to smile.

“There’s that smile. Don’t beat yourself up over one mistake okay? Learn from it and do better tomorrow. We all mess up sometimes, it’s not the end of the world.”

Janine pulls Jessie into a hug. The older girl’s warmth engulfs her, and Jessie feels completely relaxed for the first time since she arrived. Janine slaps Jessie’s arm.

“And it’s certainly no reason to skip dinner so you better eat every single thing on that plate, or we won’t be friends anymore” She loosely threatens.

Jessie salutes her. “Yes ma’am.”

Janine rolls her eyes at the younger girl, spinning on her heels to go into the bathroom.

“Janine?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

-

After that night Janine and Jessie become inseparable. They’re roommates for every national team event, seat mates for any type of travel, and overall, just consistently together. Their teammates tease them for acting like an old married couple. Jessie finds it embarrassing at first, but Janine has always taken it in stride, shouting back _you’re just jealous_ to whomever makes the joke. Eventually she gets used to it, and Jessie finds herself mouthing off a _what about it_ before she realizes. That certainly earns her a few raised brows, but nobody really questions her further, though Sophie sends her a look that has Jessie nervous. Growing up on the national team with so many incredible women as role models certainly has its perks. Over the years, while Jessie remains closest to Janine, she begins to drift towards Sophie for reasons she doesn’t quite understand until much later. Sophie corners her in the hall after dinner one night, straight to the point as always.

“You like Beckie.”

It’s a statement, not a question, and Jessie all but stops breathing.

“Of course I like her, we’re friends.”

Sophie opens her mouth to respond but laughs instead.

“Sure kid, you’re _friends.”_

Jessie doesn’t understand the insinuation as a teenager, but she sure as hell does when she enters college and realizes she likes girls a whole lot more than she likes boys. It happens at her first college party, when she’s pulled into a drinking game she doesn’t quite understand but agrees to play anyways. She ends up kissing another girl for the first time and it’s like something just clicks. In hindsight, Jessie isn’t as surprised as she should be. There was definitely a plethora of signs when she was growing up, and Jessie finally understands what Sophie had meant all those years ago. She gets back to her dorm and contemplates phoning Janine. Then the worry sets in.

_What if Janine reacts poorly to the revelation?_

_What if she doesn’t want to be friends anymore?_

Jessie shakes her head, dialing Sophie instead. A disgruntled _what_ greets her instead of the normal chipper _hello._

“You were right.”

“Okay first of all, I generally am, and second, it’s 2am so you’re going to have to be more specific because my brain is not working at the moment.”

Jessie hesitates.

_Does she really like Janine?_

The longer she thinks about it, the clearer it becomes. She finally understands all those moments it felt like she couldn’t breathe when they were together. How her chest would tighten every time Janine would lean in close to whisper something in her ear or squeeze her hand before a game. How she felt an adrenaline rush when Janine would jump into her arms after every goal she scored, no matter if Jessie was directly next to her or halfway across the field. How she didn’t care about people thinking they were a couple. It’s all because Jessie liked Janine as more than a friend. She’d fallen in love with the older girl and hadn’t even realized it.

“I like Janine.” Jessie admits, choking back a sob.

She can hear Sophie moving around, likely sitting up to give the younger girl her full attention.

“Oh god Sophie what do I do?” Jessie cries.

She’s in love with Janine, the girl who has been the best friend Jessie could have ever asked for. The girl who helped Jessie navigate the national team, helped Jessie decided between her top two picks for colleges, helped her at every major step without asking for a single thing in return. How is she supposed to tell Janine she’s in love with her?

“Hey, hey, it’s okay Jessie. It’s not a bad thing.”

“It is if it ruins our friendship.”

“Oh come on, you’ve got to give Beckie more credit than that. She loves you kid and she’s always going to be your friend.”

“What if she isn’t? What if she doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore? What if I tell her and she ends up hating me?”

“I can’t picture Beckie hating anybody.” Sophie chuckles. “Have you even talked to her yet?”

“No. I can’t tell her Sophie. I just can’t. I don’t know what I would do without her in my life. Having her as my friend is better than not having her at all.”

Sophie sighs. “If you’re sure that’s what you want, your secret is safe with me, kid.”

-

Jessie does end up telling Janine.

 _Sort of_.

It’s during their next national team camp. Janine and Jessie are roommates as usual, but Jessie isn’t as excited about it as Janine is. It’s the first time they’re in the same space since Jessie admitted to her feelings for Janine and she’s afraid she’ll slip up and spill her secret. Sophie eyes her cautiously throughout camp, silently encouraging her to talk to the older girl, but Jessie is scared.

“Is everything okay?” Janine asks one day at training while Jessie is lacing up her boots.

The older girl towers over her, and Jessie has to squint at her because of the bright sun in the backdrop.

_Stupid sun, framing her like a god damned angel. I hate this._

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You just seem...” Janine pauses, searching for the right word. “Different.”

“Well, I’m fine.” Jessie shrugs.

She catches Janine staring at her more than usual, but when she flashes the older girl a smile the one she gets back is halfhearted and Jessie feels guilty.

“I’m going to tell her tonight.” Jessie says, sliding next to Sophie.

At this point she isn’t sure who she’s trying to convince, Sophie or herself.

“You know where I am if you need me.”

Jessie gives her a grateful smile. She really hopes she doesn’t need her.

-

“I need to tell you something.” Jessie says.

Janine looks up from her book, clearly surprised. Jessie has been so worried about revealing her secret she’d barely spoken to Janine this whole camp. Janine closes her book, setting it on the nightstand. Jessie wishes Janine would remove her glasses as well, always finding it harder to concentrate when the older girl has them on. Janine sits up, but stays silent, prompting Jessie to continue. She almost tells her, almost confesses, but her fear gets the better of her and Jessie finds the wrong words coming out before she can stop them.

“I like girls.” Jessie states.

Janine doesn’t say anything, and the longer she stays quiet, the more anxious Jessie becomes.

“Is that it?” Janine finally asks.

“Well... yeah...”

“Oh my god Jessie you scared me.” Janine scolds, hurling her pillow at the younger girl. “I thought you were going to tell me something bad, like you were dying or that you didn’t want to be friends anymore.”

“I-Wait, what? So, you don’t hate me?”

“Because you like girls? Jessie, half our team likes girls. I’m a little offended you think I would hate you because of that.”

“No! Well, I don’t know. I was nervous, okay!”

“Look, I’m glad you trusted me enough to tell me and I’m happy with whatever makes you happy, but I’m pretty sure it’s impossible for me to hate you. I love you too much.”

“I love you too.”

The words come out before she can stop them and Jessie freezes. Janine blinks and Jessie almost dies on the spot before the older girl breaks out into a shit eating grin.

“I knew it.”

“Oh, shut up.” Jessie blushes.

Janine steps out into the hallway shouting, “Jessie loves me you guys.”

She gets a chorus of _we know_ in response that only causes Jessie’s blush to deepen.

“Okay, okay. They get it. I love you and you love me, it’s whatever.” Jessie shrugs, dragging the older girl back into their room.

Jessie shuts the door behind them, leaning her head against it and letting out a sigh of relief.

_That had gone better than expected._

When Jessie turns around, she finds Janine staring at her, a look in her eyes that Jessie can’t quite articulate.

“What?”

“You do know I love you, right?”

Jessie blinks.

_Hadn’t she just said that?_

“I-Yeah.”

Janine doesn’t say anything else, returning to her bed and her book. Jessie doesn’t know why Janine had told her she loved her a second time, but she isn’t sure she’s ready to hear the answer to that question either.

-

Things don’t really change much between Janine and Jessie after that night. They still room together, are still seat mates, and still consistently together. Jessie does notice some changes, like the way she catches Janine staring at her more often than not, or how the older girl always seems to be touching her. It’s not unusual for Janine to be handsy, but whenever she’s in Jessie’s vicinity nowadays at least one hand is on the younger girl at all times. Jessie doesn’t think much of it, though she would be lying if she said it wasn’t harder to concentrate on a conversation during dinner when Janine’s hand lands on her thigh. She doesn’t think anyone else has noticed the change in behavior, and she wonders if it’s all in her head until Sophie materializes next to her during their next training.

“So, I take it your talk with Beckie went well?”

“Yeah, it did actually.” Jessie says, taking a drink from her water bottle.

“That’s great, kid. So are y’all officially dating now?”

Jessie nearly chokes to death at Sophie’s question. She can see Janine start to approach out of the corner of her eye, but she waves her off. When she’s finally able to breathe again, Jessie turns to Sophie wide-eyed.

“What?!”

“What? You said your talk went well, and you guys have been all over each other the past few days so I just...you didn’t actually tell her, did you?”

_So, it had been noticeable._

“I mean, I told her I liked girls.”

Sophie slaps her hand to her forehead. “Oh my god, Jessie.”

“I was going to tell her, I swear. I just got nervous and blurted out the wrong thing!”

Sophie sighs, shaking her head. She glances between Janine and Jessie.

“Then what’s with all the...” Sophie trails off, gesturing to Jessie.

“You just gestured to all of me. I’m not sure how to respond to that.”

“All the touching!”

“We’re not any touchier than usual.” Jessie says, earning herself an eye roll.

“Dude, she was literally on top of you in the lobby this morning while we were waiting for the bus.”

Jessie flushes. “So what, you were on top of Chapman!”

“Because Chappy and I are like that! You and Janine generally aren’t. Not to mention I top everyone.” Sophie winks. “Never thought Beckie would top you though. She doesn’t really give off top vibes.”

Jessie nearly chokes again, and this time Janine marches over to her aid.

“Schmidt, what are you doing to my baby?”

If this continues Jessie isn’t going to live very long. Sophie’s brows raise to her hairline, and Jessie shoots her a murderous look.

_Don’t you fucking dare._

“I didn’t do anything.” Sophie says, raising her hands in defense.

“Then why is she choking?” Janine asks, patting Jessie on the back softly.

“Because she decided to take a swig while in the middle of a gay panic and forgot how to swallow.”

Jessie blanches.

“The middle of a what?”

“God Beckie, you’re such a straight girl.” Sophie scoffs.

Jessie notes the slight blush dancing across Janine’s cheeks.

“Fuck you Schmidt, I am not!” She argues.

_Wait, what?_

Sophie smirks. “I mean if you want to.”

Janine laughs. “As if you’d ever be my first choice.”

_Wait, what???_

“Oh sweetheart, I know who your first choice would be and I’m perfectly content with it not being me.”

_WAIT, WHAT?!_

Jessie watches Janine take a step in Sophie’s direction and worries she may have to break up a cat fight when their coach calls them into a huddle to end the practice. Jessie doesn’t know whether to feel relieved or disappointed. She tunes the coach out for the most part, still trying to process the argument between Janine and Sophie. Jessie’s drawn back into the conversation when her coach turns to address her.

“And Jeffrey-” He stops short, realizing his mistake his eyes go wide before he cracks up laughing “Oh boy, I’m sorry Jessie.”

“It’s fine.” She mumbles, as the rest of the girls start laughing too.

The slip up unfortunately sticks, and by dinner time the whole team is calling her some variation of Jeffrey. It grates on her until finally she snaps. Jessie stands, slamming her hands on the table in anger. She’s endured enough teasing for one day. As she goes to storm out, Janine catches her wrist.

“What’s the matter?”

“You guys keep calling me Jeffrey.” She huffs.

Janine pulls her down gently until she’s seated again.

“You don’t like it? I think it’s cute.” Janine grins, bringing her free hand up to play with Jessie’s hair. “My cute little Jeffrey.”

“I guess it could be worse.” Jessie grumbles.

Janine flashes her a smile, turning back to their table to start up a new conversation. The hand holding Jessie’s wrist slides down to entwine their fingers. Jessie stares at it for a moment, feeling the warmth flow up her arm and to the rest of her body. She hears someone clear their throat and her head snaps up. Most of the girls are still caught up in the conversation, but Sophie is staring at her, brow quirked in question. Sophie stands, nodding for Jessie to follow her. Jessie tries, but Janine’s grip tightens.

“Where are you going?”

“I just need to run to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

Janine eyes her curiously.

“I’m fine, I promise. If you think Jeffrey is a cute name then I’ll keep it forever, okay? Just let me go.”

Janine’s release is painfully slow, her fingers slipping slowly across Jessie’s palm. The action sends a shiver down Jessie’s spine. Thankfully, Chapman draws Janine’s attention back to the dinner table and Jessie is finally able to move away. She finds Sophie standing in the lobby, arms crossed over her chest in annoyance. She frowns when she sees Jessie approaching.

“Dude, what are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Jessie, you need to tell her. It’s not fair to her or to you for you guys to go on like this. Someone is going to get hurt and considering the way you look at her when she so much as breathes in your direction, I have a feeling it’s going to be you.”

“Everything is fine.”

“Is it? You guys are acting different.”

“Different how? We always act like this. Just let me handle it, okay?”

Sophie huffs, throwing her arms up in defeat.

“Whatever, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

-

Jessie wishes she had listened to Sophie’s warning. Her brush off doesn’t come back to bite her in the ass at first. Janine and Jessie go on like normal, a little more flirty than friendly for a while, but it’s nothing that Jessie can’t handle.

_Until it is._

There’s almost an unspoken rule between them that every Friday night is when they FaceTime, no matter what they may have going on and tonight is no exception. Jessie for once does most of the talking, giving Janine the run-down of her week. Janine doesn’t say much, though she does perk up when Jessie mentions her lab partner asked her out. She visibly softens when Jessie notes she declined the invitation, making it clear she wasn’t interested. After spending more time talking about herself than she ever has before in her life, Jessie finally confronts the older girl.

“Okay, what gives?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re never this quiet.”

Janine bristles at the comment.

“I can be quiet if I want to!”

Jessie laughs. “Sure, whatever you say, but seriously what’s the matter with you? You barely even flinched when I told you I nearly set myself on fire in lab the other day. Normally you’d already be booking a flight to come check on me.”

Janine sighs. “I have to tell you something.”

“Oh?”

“I’m moving.”

“That’s all? Oh my god Janine, I thought it was going to be bad, like you were dying or didn’t want to be friends anymore.” Jessie teases, recanting a conversation they’d had in their younger years.

Janine gives her a tight-lipped smile that has Jessie worried.

“Janine?”

“I’m moving to England.”

_Oh._

It takes Jessie a few seconds to process that.

“You’re what?”

“I like the Dash, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve always wanted to play in Europe and the opportunity finally arose. I couldn’t turn it down.”

Jessie feels her heart sink. Janine has never been more than a few states away from her. Finding out that she’s going to be on a completely different continent is a bit of a shock to say the least.

“But we’ll still talk all the time, and you can come visit me and I’ll come visit you and we’ll still see each other on the national team and-”

Jessie watches the older girl ramble for a little while, devastated that she’s leaving her, but too scared to ask her to stay. Even after all these years Jessie is still completely, hopelessly in love with her, and she wants nothing more than for Janine to be happy. Even if that means Jessie isn’t.

“That sounds incredible.”

“W-What?” Janine stutters. “You’re not mad? You don’t hate me for leaving you?”

“I don’t think it’s possible for me to hate you.”

Janine smiles genuinely for the first time since they started talking and Jessie feels her chest tighten.

“I’m so incredibly proud of you chasing after your dream like this, and just know that I support you 100%. I can’t wait to see all you accomplish.”

Something flickers across Janine’s face that Jessie can’t quite place.

“I love you.” She says, catching Jessie off guard.

She hates when Janine says it, knowing it’s not the way Jessie always means it.

“I love you too.”

When they hang up, Jessie’s heart shatters. She calls Sophie almost immediately.

“What’s up kid?”

“Janine’s leaving.”

“Leaving where?”

“The Dash, she’s going to play in Europe.”

“Oh...”

“Go ahead and say it.”

“Say what?”

“You were right. I should’ve told her. I spent all this time thinking nothing was ever going to change, that it would all be okay if we could just stay this way forever, and I only hurt myself in the end.”

“Oh, Jessie, I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to be right. You could still tell her, you know.”

“She seemed so excited. I don’t want to take that away from her.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

Jessie doesn’t have an answer.

-

The first few months after Janine transfers to Manchester City, it’s as if she never left. They still talk constantly, though they have to adjust for the time difference, but they make it work the best they can. Then the distance really sets in. Jessie gets busier with school and Janine with her life in Europe. They still talk but it’s not as frequent and it’s certainly not the same. Months go by with little more than a text message here or there, and by the time the next national team camp rolls around Jessie is actually really nervous to see Janine. Jessie arrives first, setting down her bags in their hotel room, but refusing to pick a bed. She always let Janine choose first and just because the older girls isn’t here yet doesn’t mean she’s going to break tradition. The sound of the door opening behind her grabs Jessie’s attention. When Janine steps into the room Jessie feels like all the air has been sucked out of her lungs. The older girl has always been breathtaking, but this was something else. She’s dressed simply, a pair a track pants and a loose-fitting hoodie, but Jessie swears she’s never looked so beautiful. Her hair is tied in a loose ponytail and she’s wearing her glasses again. Janine looks tired, the long trip clearly getting to her, but when her eyes land on Jessie the older girl lights up like a Christmas tree. Janine drops her bags without a second thought, striding across the room to wrap Jessie in a tight hug. It takes Jessie a few seconds to register what’s happening, but when she does, she hugs Janine back with just as much force. Janine pulls back slightly, just enough to see Jessie’s face but not enough to disconnect. She lets her arms hang loosely around Jessie’s neck, the younger girls’ hands falling to Janine’s hips.

“I missed you, Jeffrey.” Janine says, a playful smile tugging at her lips.

“I missed you too.”

-

It’s almost as if she never left.

_Almost._

There’s something different about Janine. Obviously, her style of play is different, and sometimes she uses British slang that no one understands, but it’s something else that Jessie can’t quite put her finger on.

“So Beckie how’s England?” Chapman asks.

“It’s great. I love it. I really feel like I’m learning a lot.”

Sophie catches Jessie’s eye, giving the younger girl an empathetic smile. Jessie smiles back. She can handle this.

“I didn’t mean soccer. I meant your boyfriend.”

_Or maybe not._

Jessie freezes, gaze flickering between Sophie, Janine, and Chapman.

“What boyfriend?” Janine laughs nervously.

“Oh come on, the Man City goalkeeper? You’re telling me all those rumors aren’t true?”

Janine opens her mouth to respond, but their coach whistles for the start of training. While the rest of the girls jog out to the pitch, Jessie remains frozen in place. She sees Janine lingering, eyeing her cautiously, but Sophie steps into her line of vision. Sophie pats Jessie on the shoulder.

“Come on, kid.”

Jessie reluctantly follows after her.

-

It’s probably in the top five worst training sessions Jessie’s ever had. She can’t concentrate, no matter how hard she tries. She ends up shanking more passes than she completes, skies a few balls into the stands, and nearly trips over her own feet trying to run up and down the pitch. By the end of practice Jessie is pissed, but she doesn’t know who she’s angrier with, Janine or herself.

“Fuck.” Jessie curses, throwing her boots at her bag once her coach is out of sight.

Janine reaches out to comfort her and Jessie recoils.

“Don’t!” She shouts, feeling guilty when Janine flinches at her tone. “Please, just don’t.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Janine asks, watching Jessie’s retreating figure.

“It’s not you.” Sophie assures her. “You know how Jeff gets when she has a bad practice. She’s mad at herself more than anything. Just give her some time. I’m sure she’ll come around eventually.”

She doesn’t. Not really. Not like she usually does, and Janine doesn’t know what to do to help her. Jessie disappears for hours, and Janine has half a mind to send out a search party when the younger girl comes barreling through their hotel room door. She’s sweaty, clearly she’d been working out, something Jessie often did when she was frustrated. When Jessie spots Janine in bed smiling at her phone she snaps.

“Are you dating someone?”

“Is that why you’re upset?”

Normally, her response would give Jessie pause, but the younger girl is so blinded by rage she pushes on.

“I’m upset you didn’t tell me. I thought we were friends.”

“We are friends, Jessie, but I didn’t tell you because there’s nothing to tell.”

Jessie’s jaw tightens. It’s clear she doesn’t believe her.

“The media makes things up all the time, why do you believe it more than me?”

That seems to get her attention.

Jessie sighs. “I guess I just thought you were moving on without me. I still want to be a part of your life Janine, even if you are all the way across the world.”

“You will always be a part of my life. Like it or not you’re stuck with me.” Janine grins.

Jessie rolls her eyes, but the slight tug of her lips tells Janine she isn’t as annoyed as she pretends to be.

“So, you’re not dating anyone?”

“Nope.”

“Okay, good.”

Janine quirks a brow at her response and Jessie panics.

“Good?”

“If you were dating someone and you didn’t tell me, we couldn’t be friends anymore.” Jessie says, playfully sticking her tongue out at the older girl.

“Oh, don’t worry. You’ll be the first to know.”

_Great._

-

“She’s not dating anyone.” Jessie tells Sophie the next morning when they venture out for coffee.

The older girl doesn’t say anything.

“She’s not. She told me.”

“And you believe her?”

“Yes.”

“Okay then.”

Sophie takes a sip from her drink before speaking again.

“I know you don’t want to hear this Jessie, but don’t you think it’s time to tell her? What are you going to do if you continue to wait, and she does end up dating someone else?”

To be honest, she hadn’t really thought about it. Sure, the thought had crossed her mind, but it made Jessie sick to her stomach, so she actively avoided thinking about it.

“I know you’re afraid you’re going to lose her, but aren’t you risking the same thing by not telling her?”

Jessie hates that Sophie is right.

-

Jessie almost tells her a hundred times before camp is over, but each time she goes to confess her fear gets the better of her. Now they’re standing in the airport, awkwardly waiting to board their respective flights back to California and England. Jessie thinks now is as good a time as any, but Janine cuts her off.

“He asked me out.”

“W-What? Who?”

“Zach.”

“Oh.”

“What do you think I should do?”

It’s a loaded question, and Jessie isn’t sure how to answer. Janine is staring at her expectantly, and Jessie chickens out again.

“Do you want to go out with him?”

“I-”

Janine isn’t given the chance to finish, the attendant calling Jessie’s group to start boarding. She has half a mind not to get on the plane, to stay here with Janine and finally talk things through, but the older girl has already started her goodbye. She wraps Jessie in a tight hug, pulling back to look the younger girl in the eye.

“I love you, Jessie.”

It’s not the first time she’s said it, but it’s the first time Jessie wonders if Janine means something different.

“I love you too.”

Janine gives her a sad smile before sending her off. When Jessie glances over her shoulder one last time, she catches a glimpse of the lone tear rolling down the older girl’s cheek.

-

They don’t speak for months. It’s not for a lack of trying, but Janine always seems to be busy, and soon enough Jessie gets so wrapped up in finals she couldn’t call even if she wanted too. Sophie suggests she fly out to Houston when she finishes the semester and Jessie can’t seem to find a reason not to. They spend most of the time going out, and Sophie posts every detail on social media. The national team group chat is blowing up with comments about how they never knew Jessie could be so much fun. She tries her best not to take offense to it, and Sophie is her number one hype woman, telling everyone what a blast they’re having. After the third night of partying nonstop, Sophie finally agrees to give Jessie a break. They just sit down to watch a movie when Jessie’s phone rings. Janine’s name flashes across her screen and Jessie’s heart stops.

“Hey.” Jessie greets as soon as Janine comes into focus.

“Hey yourself.” She slurs.

“Are you drunk Beckie?” Sophie asks from the other side of the couch.

“Maybe.” Janine giggles. “What’s it matter? Not like you and Jeffrey haven’t been out partying all over Houston.”

“Touché.”

Jessie stands, walking into the kitchen to put some more distance between her and Sophie.

“Is everything okay?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I don’t know. We just haven’t done a video call in a while. I didn’t know if something was wrong.”

“I just missed you, Jeffrey.”

“I miss you too.”

Sophie makes a retching noise from the living room.

“What have you been up to lately?”

“I went out on a date with Zach.”

Now Jessie feels sick.

“Oh? Did you have fun?”

“Not as much fun as when I’m with you.”

Jessie flushes. She can see Sophie gaping at her from across the room.

“I wish you were here Jeffrey so I could go on dates with you instead of random men. None of them are as good as you.”

“As good as Jessie at what exactly?” Sophie shouts.

Jessie wishes the floor would open up and swallow her whole.

“Everything!” Janine shouts back. “Jeffrey is perfect.”

“Oh for fucks sake Janine, I told you not to drunk dial people.”

Janine suddenly disappears, replaced by her teammate Caroline Weir.

“Uh...”

“Hi, sorry. She does this when she’s drunk. We try to take her phone from her, but obviously she found it. Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of her and she can call you in the morning.”

“Bye Jeffrey! I love you!!!” Janine yells from somewhere off screen.

Weir quirks a brow, turning her attention back to Jessie.

“So, you’re Jeffrey.”

“Jessie, actually.”

“I know.” Weir chuckles. “I’ve heard lots about you.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. It’s nice to finally be able to put a name to a face. Have a good night.”

“You too?”

“Alright Beckie, I admit it, she is cute.”

“I told you!”

The line goes dead.

“What the fuck just happened.”

“Dude, you’re an idiot.” Sophie laughs.

“Huh?”

“She called you to tell you she misses you and wants to date you.”

“She’s drunk.” Jessie reasons.

Sophie shakes her head. “You’re literally so stupid it pains me to watch this.”

-

Janine does end up FaceTiming her the next morning, apologizing profusely for however she may have acted, but not really addressing what she actually said. They talk for a few hours and it almost feels like things are back to normal when Jessie’s phone starts to ring.

“Who’s that?” Janine asks, leaning forward as if that will give her a better view of Jessie’s lock screen.

It’s a number the younger girl doesn’t recognize, which makes her think it could be the call she’s been waiting for.

“Just hold on one second, okay?”

Jessie puts herself on mute, disappearing out of frame. She can hear Janine calling after her but elects to ignore her for the time being.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Jessie?”

“Yes.”

“Hi Jessie, my name is Emma Hayes, I’m the manager at Chelsea F.C. Women. Do you have a minute to talk?”

“Yes.”

“I know you spoke with another member of the coaching staff about the possibility of joining the club after you graduate, and I just wanted to call you and personally extend an offer.

“Wait, really? That’s amazing.”

“I’m glad you think so. It would be a three-year contract to start. We would provide you with relocation funds and housing. Salary is also negotiable, but we would like to discuss that in person if possible. Someone from Human Resources will schedule a time for you to come out and talk with us. I know you probably want some time to think about this as I’m sure you have numerous offers on the table, but I really hope you consider joining us next season.”

“Thank you so much.”

Jessie hangs up. Her legs feel like jelly as she attempts to return to her computer.

“Jessie?”

Jessie had almost forgotten that Janine was still on the line.

“Hey, sorry.”

“Who was that?”

Jessie wants to tell her but is afraid she’ll jinx herself if she does. While she hadn’t originally planned on going overseas, she did start mentioning the possibility to her coach at UCLA after Janine transferred to Manchester City. She just never expected anything to actually happen.

“Wrong number.” Jessie lies.

Janine eyes her skeptically, but doesn’t press her further, which Jessie is incredibly grateful for.

-

She keeps it a secret for months, not even telling Sophie who constantly asks about her club plans for after graduation, and when Jessie boards her flight to England in mid-July she can barely contain her excitement. She feels somewhat anxious when she arrives.

_What will the media think?_

_What will her friends think?_

_What will Janine think?_

The last question gives her pause, and before she signs her new contract she turns to Emma.

“Is it okay if we wait a couple hours for the press release?”

“Of course, but why, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“There’s someone I need to tell first.”

-

Jessie thinks she’s going to be sick. She hasn’t seen Janine in person in nearly nine months, and here she is about to spring herself and her decision to move here on the older girl all at once. She sucks in a deep breathe, knocking on the door to Janine’s apartment. She’s a little surprised when she’s greeted by Caroline Weir instead of Janine.

“Jeffrey?

“That’s not funny!” Janine shouts from somewhere in the apartment.

“I’m not joking. She’s literally right in front of me.” Weir calls over her shoulder, turning back around to look Jessie up and down. “You are very small.” She chuckles.

Jessie spots Janine’s head pop out from around the corner. When she sees it’s actually Jessie her mouth falls open.

“Uh, hi.” Jessie awkwardly waves.

“Cute.” Caroline mutters before disappearing down the hall.

Janine moves faster than Jessie has ever seen her move before, which is saying something. One second she’s in her living room, the next she’s in Jessie’s arms, the impact nearly sends Jessie to the ground. She lets Janine down gently, the older girl keeping her hands on Jessie, seemingly trying to convince herself that Jessie really is here.

“What-How-When-” Janine stutters.

“Well hello to you too.” Jessie laughs.

Janine whacks her arm.

“You brat, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

“I had to make sure it was official first.”

“What?”

“I’m moving to England.”

Janine blanches. “That’s mean, Jessie.”

“Huh?”

“If you’re messing with me, I will never forgive you.”

“I’m not kidding. I signed my contract with Chelsea this morning.” Jessie says, holding up her copy.

Janine snatches it out of her hand, reading through it carefully. Her head snaps up when she finishes.

“Holy shit. How long have you known about this?”

“Uh, a couple months?” Jessie shrugs.

“And you didn’t tell me?!”

“I didn’t tell anyone. I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Well, it certainly was.”

“So... what do you think?”

“What do I think? Jessie, I think this is the greatest day of my life. I’ve missed you so much.”

“She really has.” Weir interjects from behind her.

Janine rolls her eyes. “Anyways, now you’ll only be a few hours away instead of a whole continent. This is so exciting!”

Jessie feels her heart swell. Janine’s reaction is everything she wanted.

_Well, almost._

Janine practically forces her to stay the night, kicking Caroline out of her apartment the second Jessie steps inside. Jessie only feels a little guilty, not really upset that she gets to spend some alone time with Janine after nearly nine months apart. Jessie completely forgets about the press release announcing her signing with Chelsea until she receives a video call from Sophie. She answers it without thinking, and Sophie stops mid-sentence when she sees Janine.

“You signed with Chelsea and you didn’t- wait, where the fuck are you?”

“Currently? Manchester.” Jessie grins.

“Hey Schmidt.” Janine greets.

“Wow, you really ran away to England without telling me. I’m hurt.”

“To be fair I didn’t tell anyone.”

“Clearly you told Beckie because you’re literally together right now.”

“Oh no, she didn’t tell me, she pulled a big romantic gesture and showed up on my doorstep without warning.”

“Big romantic gesture, ay? That doesn’t sound like JFlem.”

“Fuck off.” Jessie snarls.

“Jessie’s totally romantic Sophie. You could learn a thing or two from her.”

Sophie scoffs. “Like what? Pining over someone for years? No thank you.”

If looks could kill Sophie would be dead by now.

“Wait, what?” Janine turns to Jessie, brows furrowed in confusion. “Who is she talking about?”

Sophie flashes her an apologetic smile. Jessie makes a mental note to kill her the next time she sees her.

“Just some girl I played with.”

“Do I know her?”

Jessie shrugs.

“Hey, but Chelsea, that’s pretty impressive, kid.” Sophie interjects, trying to change the subject.

“Yeah, I’m really excited.”

“Of course she is, she gets to spend more time with me.” Janine beams.

“Gross.” Sophie gags. “As much as I love watching y’all be sickeningly sweet I’m going to go before I get a cavity.”

Sophie hangs up without saying goodbye.

“Rude.” Jessie huffs.

She turns to find Janine staring at her expectantly.

“What?”

Janine opens her mouth to respond but Jessie cuts her off, knowing exactly what the older girl is about to ask her.

“Hey, how about I make us dinner?”

“You don’t want to go out?”

“I’d rather stay in with you. We can go out tomorrow.”

Jessie jumps off the couch, missing the blush blooming across Janine’s cheeks as she heads to the kitchen. They end up making a huge mess, though the actual food is delicious, and Jessie is pretty proud of herself considering she’s never really cooked before. They spend most of the night catching up on everything they’ve missed for the past nine months in each other’s lives, and soon enough Jessie starts to yawn more than she speaks.

“Okay,” Janine laughs. “I think it’s time for bed.”

“I’m not tired.” Jessie argues.

“Yes, you are.”

Jessie reaches for the older girl in an effort to make her stay. She leans forward, wrapping her arms around Janine’s waist and burying her face in the older girl’s stomach. Janine threads her fingers through Jessie’s hair, which only serves to make her sleepier.

“I want to spend more time with you.” Jessie mumbles into the soft fabric of Janine’s shirt.

“We can spend more time together tomorrow. Don’t worry,” Janine chuckles. “I’m not going anywhere.”

_She’s not?_

Jessie ponders the thought momentarily, allowing Janine to slip out of her grasp and make it to her bedroom before Jessie realizes.

“Good night, Jessie.”

The door shuts softly behind her and Jessie is left alone with her thoughts.

_I’m not going anywhere._

But she could, and that’s the problem. That’s always the problem. Jessie didn’t want to listen to Sophie, but the older girl has been right from the beginning. Even if Janine is with her right now, there’s always a chance she won’t be tomorrow, and Jessie will be damned if she moves halfway across the world to be with Janine again and let’s someone else take her away without telling the older girl the truth. Jessie bolts upright, dashing over to Janine’s door and knocking furiously. She doesn’t stop until the door swings open, and she nearly hits Janine in the face.

“Jessie? What’s-”

“I love you.” Jessie blurts out.

_Not the best delivery, but she’ll take it. At least it’s finally been said._

“I don’t understand.”

“I love you, Janine. As in, I’m in love with you and I have been for the past eight years. I probably should’ve said something earlier, but I was scared. I didn’t want to lose you because first and foremost you’re my best friend. I understand if you don’t feel the same, and I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I just needed to tell you before it was too late.”

Janine simply stares at her, and for the first time Jessie is able to identify the look on the older girls face that she’s seen so many times over the years.

_Love._

“You’re an idiot.” Janine smiles.

Jessie opens her mouth to defend herself, but Janine cuts her off with a kiss. It’s electrifying, as if every single one of Jessie’s nerve endings are on fire. Janine pulls away too quickly for Jessie’s liking.

“Does that mean you like me?”

Janine rolls her eyes.

“Do you kiss your friends like that? Because if you do, we’re going to have to lay down some ground rules for dating.”

“We’re dating?”

“You just professed your love for me, and you don’t think we’re dating? I’ve been waiting a long time for this.”

“You have?”

“You’re not the only one who’s been in love all this time.”

Jessie can only blink in response.

_Eight years._

She wasted eight years being afraid of losing Janine when she could’ve had her all along.

“I- Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Janine smirks. “I know of a few ways you can make it up to me.”

Jessie swallows thickly as Janine tugs her into her bedroom, the door shutting softly behind them.

_Holy Fuck._

-

They keep their relationship hidden from their teammates for almost an entire year, though it kind of helps when you can’t actually get together for almost an entire year. They get through most of the camp without raising any suspicions, but Jessie finds it increasingly difficult to keep it together with Janine teasing her every five seconds.

_No one needs to lift their shirt that many times a practice to wipe the sweat from their face._

Jessie keeps it together for the most part, but she does end up dragging Janine back to their hotel room more times than she’d like to admit. Janine never seems to complain though. By the morning of the first match for the She Believes Cup, Jessie is convinced they’re actually going to make it through the whole event without revealing it.

_That is, until breakfast._

Jessie was tired, more so than usual. She came down early to get coffee with Sophie, but the caffeine hadn’t kicked in yet. She spots Janine across the dining room, and she can’t stop the smile that spreads across her face as the older girl approaches.

“Hi, baby.” Jessie greets.

Sophie spits her coffee out, nearly drenching Stephanie Labbé who is seated to her right doing a crossword.

“Baby?!” Sophie shrieks. “Excuse me?”

Jessie panics, but Janine being Janine, rolls with it. She leans forward and kisses Jessie square on the mouth, sending the team into a frenzy and Jessie into cardiac arrest.

“Hi, baby. I missed you.” Janine grins.

“Okay first of all, what the fuck?” Chapman gapes. “And second, holy fuck!”

“Wait how long has this been going on?” Sophie asks.

Jessie flushes. “About a year.”

Another round of chaos rips through the dining room.

“You kept this from me for a whole entire year?” Sophie wails. “Me, who had to listen to you cry over how much you loved Beckie for years?! I can’t believe this.”

“Aw, baby that’s so cute.” Janine coos, poking Jessie’s side.

Jessie swats the older girls’ hand away.

“Yeah, yeah, we all know I was in love with you forever. Whatever.”

“Don’t be embarrassed, Jeffrey. I loved you too.” Janine states, placing a kiss to the younger girl’s cheek.

This only causes Jessie’s blush to deepen.

“Wait you guys have been fucking for a year, and the staff still let you room together?” Chapman asks.

“Really?” Steph interjects. “That’s what you took away from this whole conversation?”

“To be fair, the staff didn’t know either.” Janine smirks.

“That explains why you guys never wanted to join team bonding. You were too busy doing your own bonding.”

“Okay!” Jessie shouts. “Enough about that. Yes, Janine and I are dating, any other questions?”

“So does Janine top?” Sophie asks.

“No!”

“Yes!”

“I knew it.” Sophie laughs.

“I hate you all.” Jessie huffs.

She wants to be angry, wants to tell them all to fuck off, but Janine entwines their fingers together and Jessie forgets what they were even talking about. Jessie can only stare at the older girl in awe. It had taken her ten seconds to fall in love with Janine, but it would take Jessie an eternity to stop, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.


End file.
